Courage

When my ten year old asked me what courage was,
I stood in awe almost dropping the pans I was click clacking around in the kitchen.
“Where did you hear that?” I gasped.
“Daddy told me, when people take my lunch money, and when they take my smile, don’t let them take my courage.”
“That can’t be” I thought
You see “daddy” died seven years, three months, and fifteen days ago. He fought for a better America. And COURAGE was his motto.
He wasn’t much of a Jesus man but preaching was his superpower.
So again I stood in the kitchen, flushed with memories while David just stared at me.
“Mommy, daddy said you would know.”
And I stated loud and proud “baby, courage is when you stand up, stand out, and stand for.. something. To stand up for what you believe in. To be unique, stand out but be yourself. Stand for something and everything you believe in right or wrong.”
“Then why does it have R-A-G-E, rage in it?”
“Because baby, not everyone has courage, life sucks all the smiles, lunch money, and fun out of people. That’s why I tell you to never grow up.”

Language is my other half

I look up from my paper.. And realize there is a world around me.

Engulfed in these words.

They take over my body like

itty bitty robots.

Running through my

bloodstream

like a freshly injected

drug.

Making their way down my arms to my fingertips where they spill out like

faucets.

Not aware of what I write until I read it, scared of another personality

taking over. 

Hands of Time

Hope and belief are the hands of time

Slowly counting away

When the clock strikes 12 and you hear a chime

It separates you and fate

People try to pull you down

Or make you think your alone

Keep your head up where you can be found

Don’t whine, don’t whimper, don’t moan

For he is with you wherever you go

Hope for the best

and believe you can get there

because you have a friend that cares..

ME.

IceSky

Nothing is the same when I’m with you. 

I fell hard and you don’t have a clue. 

I wish I could just say it. 

But I don’t think you’d believe it. 

I don’t want to hurt him but I want to tell you. 

Laying in that room so dim. 

Looking at your phone. 

The magical sensation of you and me alone. 

Cuddling in the corner, lost in thought. 

Someone please shake me before I get caught. 

My head on your shoulder. 

You smelt so nice. 

You’ll never get through..

I’m a block of ice. 

I melt in your hands but cold to the touch. 

I’m playing with his heart, I’m rolling the dice. 

It’s a 50/50 chance. 

And I know you won’t be mine. 

…typical

I long for a relationship that is not just physical, but intentional love. To portray my greatest personality and real inner self to you. Feel the love and gratitude from you. God, if I was ever so lucky to be apart of love and sacrifice, I would grasp onto the neck and yank it into the direction of forever. 

Detailed Idiots

It’s another cold day, White water upon the ground. School was boring, long, and senseless. Another day gone, one more stop till freedom. School’s out, for the day, time to go back to the zoo. Nervous. My stomach churning, just a bad feeling. Probably nothing, it’s been there all day. So just, shake it off Alyee. It just happens that often. Loud clanging, the rubber tires to the road. Felt like forever when I get off on the third stop. Screaming, Yelling, and I could not focus. Thought about who it could be. Cause this feeling just was not leaving. Getting off the bus, bittersweet wind smacking me in the face. Almost like a reality check. My half-sister just yapping, not hearing anything she is saying. The dead end looked like a mile away. Then came the dull driveway, another mile. Banging the snow off my shoes at the back patio door. Dogs started barking. Walking down the hallway past my mothers room, through the kitchen, past the stairs and the bathroom to my room. Threw my shoes on the closet floor, and my bag on the bed. Felt like I was being stared at. Turned to see my sister crying “Mom wants you.” She murmured. Walking back past the bathroom and stairs, through the kitchen felt like eternity. Everyone was huddled in mothers room. My two half sisters, emotionless. My half brother, emotionless. My sister, Crying. I sat down, felt like I needed to. Peoples names running through my head like the speed of light. Who is it? Who! The words fell out of her mouth with no remorse. “He overdosed, amitriptyline, in a semi-coma, died, and could die for good.” I put on my strong face, got up and walked out. She hollered if anyone wanted to go the hospital she was leaving in 30 min. I scrambled to get my things together, my sight blurry. The drive there was quick, I don’t remember much. “You’re going to be the death of me Nick.” I said in my withered mind.

Forgive me, Please

He couldn’t make ten minutes of time for me to talk. Even though my wounds could pour hours of pleading out. They tell me to talk about my problems but why bother people with unwanted issues when I’ve got paper? I don’t think anyone would care if I died today. I don’t think they would notice I was gone until they needed something from me. I don’t think anyone would come to my funeral. I try not to think about the past.. It’s like ripping a scab off, it’ll never heal if you keep picking at it.. Sometimes ending things is the easiest way it seems. The half a dozen times I tried I failed. Obviously. I guess I lose at a game that can’t really be lost. That’s just how much I suck.

FriendZoned

Giving her your all just to be dropped in the zone. She’s a cold hard killing machine who is meant to be alone. You can’t let go cause your blinded. And you only think of growing old. She wants to love you but she doesn’t want to hurt you so. 

For Real?

I guess your a figment of my imagination. 

Everyone told me it was true.

But I kept giving my all to you. 

After awhile you made me blue.

You tossed me around like a flat ball

I just needed to start fresh and new. 

 

365 Days

The coldness behind your words.

The breath crawling out of your mouth.

The loud spit tumbling to the ground.

Your yells, screams, cries and pleas.

Cantankerous ringing in my ears.

Has left my soul to bleed.

My knees, weaken when your near.

and now that you see. Everything is clear.

There is nothing I fear.

because I know.

That everything good starts off slow.